Home?sick.

I’ve always been a firm believer of the thought “Home is where your heart is” and if that was the case then I’d could settle and say that home is almost anywhere at all.

Life’s been pretty good to me and has taken me places that, growing up, I never imagined I would go. I’ve met a lot of great people with different backgrounds and beliefs, and I’ve learned a lot from them. But every time I look at the pictures from my hometown makes me realize more and more how weird it is that when you’re so young, you ignore and take for granted all the things that other people wish they had experienced. I miss the heat, the sun, the beach… trees, plants, fruits… i miss home. Badly now more than ever I guess…

It’s just so weird for me to think that I’ve been to all these places… and that I’ve played countless times around those trees, swam in those waters, and smelled their leaves and picked their fruits, and walked those parks… but it just never really seemed so interesting and enchanting and beautiful as it is now.

Blah im sad.

Can

there ever be such a thing; a relationship with no major conflicts, where both parties are happy, content and trust the other person to not take advantage of you?

It’s been like three weeks, and I’ve been embracing for impact ever since. And as time goes by, I’ve been realizing that this safety net that I’ve been building underneath me,  has just been there cause of some sort of soul-bound fear created from being so used to being let down all the time that when for the first time something great is right in front of my eyes I feel like it’s gonna come back and hit me in my big face when I least expect it.

Has anyone ever gotten that feeling? you know, the one where you feel like you are falling hard, and you just expect to hit the ground, but instead you just float?

I have. I have lost the fear of heights, and I’m not afraid to fall anymore.

I’d probably go to hell.

“never love again” you swore.
Doesn’t mean I can’t wish her the best,
Doesn’t mean we should have never met.

this is the last time I’ll complain about you. I swear.

It’s so hard, to leave it all behind,
it wasn’t enough, what I had to offer you.
It’s so hard to trust with insecurities,
it won’t be enough to just complain.

Sasquatch Craziness.

Well… I’ll keep this brief. and Will show more pictures than stories.

Got there at about 9:45am on Saturday, running on approximately 2 and half hours of sleep. Needless to say we were exhausted but definitely eager with anticipation.

It was my first time at the Gorge so it was quite an unbelievable and even more special thing to me.

The first band we actually got to see was my good friend Zach Condon’s band. He knows how to put on an amazing show.

Right at 4:20 we stumbled upon this great musician named Vince Mira. I would strongly recommend checking him out.

I was then definitely stoked for Dave Bazan to come on stage. I was way too tired to enjoy him as much as I would’ve wanted to.

Went back to the Mainstage for some MIA action, and we honestly had no idea about the craziness we were about to encounter down there. It was amazing. Like a huge party.

Then… there was Modest Mouse. And then, there was amazement.

Next day after a good night’s sleep we went out back at it for yet another day of joy.

Blue Scholars at the top of the morning. Fuck that, get your education on the Ave.

Then there was this band which performed one of the best shows that I’ve ever had the pleasure of witness. It was well rounded, their energy on stage was amazing. It was a great overwhelming feeling. Cold War Kids.

^^^Is that you, Sam Owens?^^^

Then there was a big gap where The Presidents of the United States of America was playing. I’m not a big fan really. Found out about a great band named Mates of State and I wish I would’ve taken some pictures of them as well but at this point my camera’s  battery  had gotten a terminal disease and was about to die soon. So variety from here on kinda goes down. But anyways. Another band who put up an amazing show was The Kooks, who played about 45 minutes late which meant that I had to miss about 3/4 of Death Cab For Cutie’s show, the real downside of it was the 45 minutes of mic feedback that have left me, up until right now as I’m typing, the feeling of having the hearing of an 93 year old nana. Anyways The Kooks. Amazing.

I really loved the fact that Hugh had set up 4 different picks along with two lighters.[WHICH AT THE END OF THE NIGHT HE WOULD LET ME USEEEEEEE]

Look how Godly Luke looks.

What’s up Hugh?

________________________________________

Then there was Death Cab. Which, I dunno… I love Ben Gibbard’s ability to make music sound amazing, but to be honest I didn’t like his arrogance when he was on stage. That was it for me for the night, I slept through the entire The Cure show. They really sucked balls.

Anyways. Monday afternoon, we got in kinda late cause the lines were the longer than the other two days.
Didn’t quite get to see Matt Costa play his entire show, but he did play Cold December which made me happy.

The fellas of Built to Spill were also amazing with their guitars, probably the best guitars I heard all weekend, then again it might’ve been the fact of being under the influence. Also Doug was wearing this awesome The Squid and the Whale T-shirt. Made me smile and cringe at the same time.

Then there was this amazing Mexican duo, and I think I have fallen in love.

Then well… when these guys came on my night; no my weekend, Wait… MY ENTIRE LIFE was complete. I could be diagnosed with Testicular Cancer and be completely pleased.

Then my camera died… Mars Volta “played” but I gotta say, I was thoroughly unimpressed by their ability to put on a show. It seemed like they were just playing at their garage. Don’t get me wrong it sounded okay,  but it gets kinda stupid when it’s just a 80 minute jam session pretty much.The Flaming Lips UFO show was the only thing worth taking pictures of. Wayne really really put on a great show, there was giant bubble crowd surfing, tons of confetti, oh yeah  A FUCKING UFO. Teletubbies, NAKED GIRLS ZOMG, Giant Balloons, a endoscopic camera, and some other weird crap.

Anyways amazing bands, with some amazing people, made up for an amazing weekend, the rest is just details.

Story of my life…

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren’t dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just a friend”. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be…
Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t want you, now.

Good grief.

I like how just as soon a single thing in my life starts going shitty, twenty other things decide to go down the shitter, and it just makes a single thing seem like the end of the Universe.

“Oh you….”

Answers to questions never asked.

I Don’t know if I’ll make it through this summer without you by my side I waited for you so long while I traveled far and wide Convinced myself there’s no one better, so how can I deny Your love, it’s like a thorn into my side My friends they understand me better but don’t whisper goodnight I want a lover and a sister, but we know that’s not right You used to listen to my music, I always wondered why I wish I could pretend you make me try I want the days to come, I want these sleepless nights to end I lie here thinking how I lost you to all your stupid friends You made me feel so foolish for the twenty-second time Your love might be the last time that I try Don’t know if I’ll make it through this winter without you on my own I waited here for you forever, I can’t believe you’d go I may not have the answers, but I’d rather never know Your love was such a heavy, heavy blow Goodnight my love, you seemed so nice ’til I knew you better Now I can tell you’re always thinking twice about what might be better On the outside, there’s no conscience, you’re a victim of your cautiousness You don’t try, you just lie there hoping that someone will come to make it right

You have made me be

really excited about being happy again.

D Bm E7 A7 D

someday

you’ll know

I was the one.